Elegy
by Nerosiin X
Summary: With every wrong word said, L pushes Light further away.


**elegy**

ˈɛlɪdʒi/

 _noun_

 **1**. (in modern literature) a poem of serious reflection, typically a lament for the dead.

#

L took his chances.

Surely Light wouldn't be awake now, would he? Pfft. Highly unlikely. 97% chance, he'd deduced. The only son of the Yagamis wasn't much of a morning person. He'd tried before, employing all the tactics to push Light out of the room. It hadn't worked. The only success he'd had was getting kicked out.

"It's 4 AM," he muttered to himself. "And yet I can still smell his deodorant. Maybe he's been snooping around a little."

He found himself trying to utter that statement with at least a bit of resentment, but the only thing that came was affection.

"Stop that," he admonished himself. "You're getting too close to him. He's your suspect; remember? That's all he'll ever be. A suspected criminal."

L could have felt himself falter slightly at this admission. But he was right on all of them. But of course, when was he ever wrong? He was getting too close to Yagami, much too close than what he was getting paid for. Why would he keep Light on tight supervision for 24 hours and 7 days a week anyways?

 _To keep Light to himself,_ a guilty voice reminded.

L shook his head. No. He was stronger than this. "I'm keeping him on tight watch in case he ever does anything wrong. I promise."

The last part came in a strangled whisper. "I already know he's Kira anyway. I just need the footage to prove it."

"…What?"

Shocked, he spun around to meet a pair of appalled tawny eyes. "I thought we were over this, L…"

Light was the last person he expected to see, causing an avalanche of emotion to release, coming out as snark.

"What, come to tell me I'm right?"

The teen's eyes narrowed. "After all we've been through? Go to _hell,_ Ryuzaki. If I didn't know better, I'd assume you were already drowning in it."

"It's burning." L tried to stop himself, but was too angry at his suspicions being found out by the one person he didn't want them to.

"I don't give a shit. Get the fuck out of my house."

L snorted, fury overcoming his initial torrent of fear. "You're the one who doesn't like living here."

"Of course not." Light rolled his eyes. "Not when I'm with you."

He flipped L the middle finger. "I thought _friends_ weren't supposed to sell each other short."

L was consumed by rage now that he couldn't help yelling, thought it was highly uncharacteristic of him to do so. "I thought friends were supposed to trust each other! You are my only friend!"

Light paused by the door, his right foot already out on the pavement, his voice barely above a whisper. "That's what I did, and look where it got me."

The door slammed shut behind him, a resounding boom for the last of the house's inhabitants.

L sunk back into his bed, not bothering to ring Light up and lecture him about the dangers of getting raped at half past 4 in the morning. All teenagers did that, right? …Right? Except, Light wasn't a teenager. Well he was, in the physical sense, but the detective knew that he possessed wisdom far beyond his years. And a bond, no matter how fragile it was, with L.

And, detective or not, L had gone on to destroy it mercilessly, driving stakes and shards of glass into his own heart.

God. He couldn't deny it any longer. He didn't just have affection for Light—he _loved_ him. What more could be said, after their almost-kiss yesterday?

That was the thought that killed him. Almost kiss. _Almost._ Almost lovers? Maybe.

His hands shook as he lifted the lid off his candy stash. Even the high he got from sugar couldn't stop him from feeling anxiety and loneliness.

 _It's all I have to ease the pain,_ he scolded himself. _But… why do I feel this heartache anyway?_

His fists clenched at the thought, banishing his earlier lapse in the bewilderment of his emotions.

 _No. I am not_ _in love with Light. I am_ not. _I can't be. That is just ridiculous. It'd set me up for being ridiculed by the police force and everyone in it. What about Near? What would he think? What would Watari think? I've always been the overachiever, the clever one. I can't let myself be caught, I can't…_

His thought went on and on, like a freight train with no intent of stopping. And it was only then did he stop to pick up the sweet wrappers strewn all over his floor before realizing that they were actually bits of colored crepe paper with permanent marker scribbled on them.

Confused, L twisted the paper this way and that, trying to make sense of it before realizing that they were song lyrics, but of which song he didn't know.

So he gathered the wrappers and all his remaining sweets until a collection of random, bright and Sharpie'd wrappers were arranged in order in front of him. Not wanting to be a bigger idiot than he'd already been, L had scoured the sugary box and found a scripted letter.

 _Hm. Monotype Corsiva. Black ink. Size 14 font. Didn't know he was into fancy calligraphy._

 _…_ _There's a lot of things you don't know about him._

This was just one of the times when he wished he could spray his overly annoying conscience with Mortein or some other pest remover.

God. Not like L believed in a higher power except for the occasional irritating-as-fuck shinigami, but still.

And back to the topic—he'd found that note.

L,

If you are reading this it means that I have placed it on the table (obviously in the calorie filled box that you've now eaten your way through)—now don't you glare at me, you bastard—and have gone on my business trip. Sorry to leave you during Christmas, muse. I hope you find my present rather… endearing.

Love,

Light

Love? Wait… Light… _loved_ him? L had a feeling that this wasn't just one of his temporary screw ups, it was a big one—one that would probably take millennia in recovering, if anyone knew Light well.

Not like he did, as his pesky conscience reminded him.

Glancing down at the wrappers, the lyrics that jumped out at him shocked him to the core. John Legend's hit song—All Of Me. Seemed perfectly suited for a situation that wasn't his to control anymore.

Knowing Light, the guy had cut snippets of the song off, only writing down what had applied to them the most. And that had been four lines of the chorus, the most important ones that Light felt the need to give L.

 _'_ _Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections._

This isn't gonna be easy, he murmured, gritting his teeth together so hard that they ground together. _I'm sorry Light, I'm sorry…_

A defeated silence passed as synchronized hearts skipped a beat, launching into syncopation.

"I am nothing but an elegy without you."

#

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." – Edna St. Vincent Millay


End file.
